Like I said before, I am the daughter of a baby momma. But I did not come from that "type" of family. Before all of you start saying what do you mean that "type" of family; every one of you knows that there is a stigma that families that have "baby mommas" are either ghetto or trailer park trash. Hey don't get mad at me I'm only saying what you all won't say.
But back to me the type of families that I come from are on my mothers side a grandmother and grandfather that worked hard, they were one of the first black couples to be a member of the country club in our neighborhood; they had a 5 bedroom home and 8 children that were all on there way to college. My mother was the second daughter to be born to the family and the 6th child born overall, she went to tap lessons, ballet lessons, piano lessons, she was a member of the church choir with 3 solos a month. My grandfather was a deacon of the church, my grandmother was the church secretary, and on any bored that you could think of. My father was the son of a military man and a at home mother, he went to a private school, he was on the basketball team, he played football, he was an usher at his church and he and all five of his brothers went on to join the military like my grandfather. The ladies were ladies, and the men were men, the women cooked snd cleaned and made them lunch at home, and the men went to work, mowed the lawns, and went to there poker night at the club. Families in there neighborhoods strived to be like them, to model there stong black family after my grandparents families.
My mother was 17 an my father was 19 in 1974, so yes we are talking about the bell bottoms, Afro's, platforms, tight pants, and excessive make-up! Go ahead get the picture if you were not born then you have seen a movie with the 70's theme, my mother was the beloved little sister to 5 big brothers and she was in love with this tall handsome boy, that all the girls wanted. They were told not to see each other but like all teenagers that are told to not do something they snuck and did it anyway, and then one day in her junior year of high school his senior year she was pregnant! Silly, naive, bossy, scared and pregnant! She wanted to get married to not be the "family embarrassment", but pregnant or not my father had a plan and the plan did not include being married to my mother, and raising me. His family supported him and my mothers family did what any family with a single unwed mother does I guess they made her feel extreme and unrelenting shame! The type of shame that you live with for the rest of your life, the type of shame that no matter what you do for the rest of your life to live that down; you still feel that shame. My father joined the military and left town, my mother stayed and carried me and lived under a cloud shame, and anger and regret.
See my mother was and is the type of woman that will NEVER admit wrong out loud she will just do whatever is necessary to make you wrong (even if you are right) so she was alone trying to take care of a baby broken hearted, because she truly loved my father and she truly would have been a wife to him for the rest of her days and his. She was alone heartbroken, angry and shamed and trying to graduate from high school. So I think bitter is the polite way of saying she was and is hurt and PISSED OFF
Now by now I am sure you are thinking what does this have to do with what you started to say at the beginning of all of this? Well my point is; that while I am all for taking advice from your elders and learning from those that are older than you trying to teach you. Hey I have children and I say to my son all the time "I know more than you, I have been here longer just trust me!" I found in my "Adventures of the Nightmare Baby Momma" experience, that not all the time does "listen to your elders" apply, because if you are listening to a bitter, angry, hurt baby momma that never really got any resolution to there "situation" some of there advice may be tainted with there own need to get back at the person that hurt them. So this leaves you exacting revenge on the father of your child that actually has nothing to do with him.
So what does this mean? Well I said at the beginning of this, that I am going to keep it real and I am. The advice that I got from my mother was, "we don't have abortions in this family", "you have embarrassed me and your father"(stepfather), "It's him or us", "You need to go get on welfare so the county will get you child support", "I do not want him around my grandson", "have you gotten any child support?" "he does not need him", "he is not a daddy he is a sperm donor." And on and on and on, don't talk and come to an understanding, he is crying for his daddy but he will get over it, he has to pay to see him, he left you so he doesn't love either of you, he won't take care of him, you may never get your child back if you let him go with him!
At first I did every thing she said; well with a little twist I don't know if you all can tell but I do have a pretty interesting thought process of my own. I was going to court and screaming and yelling, fighting, calling names, you name it I was doing it. He was not there for his birth, and I kept my son in the room with me so that he could not go to the nursery to see him he was going to have to go through me! He missed his first birthday party not because he did not try to be with him but because he was not allowed to see him. And threw all this all the drama, my son was crying and feeling horrible, he was torn, he was begging me to be with his dad. "Please mommy I want to see my daddy", "please mommy don't yell at him", "please mommy he is sorry", "please mommy he loves me and you" and through all that I did not hear his cry, I did not hear what he was saying. I heard my bitter mother and me in my head, I felt my pain, and I heard her anger, and through it all no one was listening to him... to my son. The little boy who wanted to know his daddy, who did not understand why his friend had his daddy at the first day of kindergarten but he could not.
See I do not blame my actions or my decisions on my mother, she was doing the best she could I assume, and no one held a gun to my head I could have listened to her but done what was right. But I didn't I listened to a bitter baby momma and I made my situation much much worse. So what I am saying to all of you is it does not matter, if it is your mother, grandmother, best friend, sister, cousin or next door neighbor. Take a step back and look at who is giving the advice and the advice they are giving; if you are talking to a woman or a man that never really resolved there baby momma or baby daddy situation, how can they really tell you what to do? If you are talking to someone that does not know where her childs father took there last ste let alone have a relationship with there kid.
I mean really if someone still gets that vein, popping up out there neck and they start pacing while they are "guiding" you then maybe they are not "guiding" you maybe they are tyring to get there vigilante justice they did not get all those years ago.
I know that there are going to be some pissed off mothers and grandmothers, at this chapter, but hold on ladies and let me say this to you. My grandmother, the woman who was married to her husband for 35 years before he died and that never had to be in this situation, told me "baby, you should have kept your legs closed, and you know that but now that the baby is here he needs to know his daddy he needs to know ALL of who he is, unless his daddy his a pervert then you need to call the church for that boy" lol Wow, now that I write this I realize that my granny was a mess...I miss you granny! So you see I am not discounting and guidance you get from anyone that cares enough to give it, but just remember just because someone is talking doesn't mean you have to act on it. sometimes is ok to......just listen.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
When the Reality Does Not Match The Fantasy
I know this couple, they have been married for 15 years. About 5 years into the marriage; she hated him, his mother, his sisters, and brothers. She thought he and his family were beneath her. I remember after one of there many, many arguments about his mother; she described his mother as looking like a slave and having a slave mentality.
Now we can dispense with the niceties here, when a woman with a mixed racial background of Caucasian, and African American with a husband with a completely African American race; says that her mother in law looks like a slave. There is something wrong with the whole family dynamic! Now the reason that I bring up this couple is because this wife has determined that because (in her mind) he is a bad husband and his mother is a "slave" that he was not worthy of being a parent, that he was some how less of a father to his children and so once they separated he was no longer allowed to see or be with his children because she did not think that he was a good influence on them.
Now let me tell you the real reason that she does not allow him to see his children. She is mad at him; her fantasy was demolished and she is pissed off about it, she knows that the most important thing to this particular man is his children, not her, not his mother, not his siblings but his kids; and sense she feels that she was "tricked" by him she is using the only thing that she has to torture and hurt him... his kids.
The real story is, that she met him when she was 11 and he was 14. She "fantasized" him in her mind and made him a "Greek God" so to speak. So she chased him and chased him, and he dangled the bait knowing that she would do anything to get him, sleep with him check buy him things, check be at his beck and call whenever he needed or wanted anything, check, wait for him while he is married to two other women before her, check; be a mother to the child that he had with yet another woman, check and last but not least go to Vegas to get married out of fear he may change his mind before they can get to a wedding, check. OK so now that you have heard just the general basics, who do you think is the damn fool? If you did not say her, you are a damn lie!!!!
She decided when she was 11 years old that this was the man of her dreams and she went about making sure that she got him that he was her man. Well she did, she got him lock stock and barrel. She let him "date her" but not really "date her" which means behind closed doors (for sex) she was his lady, but in public with his friends and family she was his "friend". His first marriage took place while he was still her "friend" and his second marriage took place while she was pregnant by there "friendship"; she miscarried that pregnancy while he was at home with his wife. When his second marriage ended he got another woman pregnant all the while they were still "friends". Now I am not by any means saying that what he did was OK, he was a DOG and as a man and husband; he should have been hung from a big oak tree by only his left testicle with a barb wire string. But at no time was she ever in the dark about any of this, his wives they were in the dark, his "public girlfriend" she was in the dark but she was never in the dark, she knew her status and she allowed this treatment. It's so funny to me when people say "he tricked her and took advantage of her love for him" yes he did take advantage but it was not of her love for him it was of her having a low self esteem and allowing him to walk all over her. I think that men come hard wired to do dirt; it his up to us to short circuit that wire or to take a wire clipper a "nip" it in the bud. But deal with him woman to man.
So after years, and years of being out and out used it was plain as day this is what he is doing. After he has had two failed marriages, a child with another woman, has no job and lives with his mother, he finally purposes to her one day in a park. She who has a brand new car, a two bedroom apartment and a full time well paying job.
By the next day she had paid for there tickets to Vegas and they had gone to Vegas and gotten married. She finally got him; after all those years and all that scheming she finally had him he was her formerly married, unemployed, homeless, husband and what she was thinking was YEAH ME! I'm sorry but does anybody else think that there is something wrong with this picture?
So after years of living as his wife, the fantasy bubble was burst, he was no longer her night and shining armor he was, a motherF$*)@&, who could not keep a job, with a family that always needed something from them, a mother-in-law that had no respect for her, and a baby momma that was exactly what we were talking about here today. They had almost been homeless, had no car, and because by the time they got married he had horrible credit, there lives were in her name and her credit was being destroyed because he could not keep a well paying job, they had 5 kids to feed and he wanted her to be a stay at home mom with an unemployed husband. Now how many of you thought this was going to end well? If one person raised there hand I wish I was there to slap you!
With all that, with all that he has done to her and with her, because like I said it takes two, she feels that she is the victim and it is time for some payback and the only way to get that is through there kids. Well first of all, what about there kids; I'm sorry but our children are floundering ladies and gentlemen, they are floundering because they do not know what it is like to have a family a full family. I think we all need to know who we are, we need to know, who we came from. I am not saying that women can not succeed in raising a child by themselves, because we see from allot of successful people that it can happen, but it is the exception not the rule. Do our children deserve the best that we can give them? Do they deserve to have all the opportunities in the world to be great people? Yes they do. The fantasy was turned into the nightmare from hell, I understand that hurt, that pain that humiliation. Using your kids because you know he does not care one way or the other what you feel, is not right! She knew deep in herself; in her soul and heart that this man was not the man of her dreams, God threw road block after road block in her way and she got out the pick axe and climbed over them to get her man. Once again I say BAD BAD husband, I think if there was a hall of fame for that he should be in it; you know the one that should have a Tiger Woods statue in the front..... Ohhh I know The Tiger Woods Bullsh*# Husband Museum! LOL I like that.
Ladies what I am saying is it's not our place to use or children to punish someone for our mistakes. My granny used to always say; "Baby, God can punish him much worse than you can!" Married, never married it all in the same category as Baby Momma Drama! It needs to stop!
Now we can dispense with the niceties here, when a woman with a mixed racial background of Caucasian, and African American with a husband with a completely African American race; says that her mother in law looks like a slave. There is something wrong with the whole family dynamic! Now the reason that I bring up this couple is because this wife has determined that because (in her mind) he is a bad husband and his mother is a "slave" that he was not worthy of being a parent, that he was some how less of a father to his children and so once they separated he was no longer allowed to see or be with his children because she did not think that he was a good influence on them.
Now let me tell you the real reason that she does not allow him to see his children. She is mad at him; her fantasy was demolished and she is pissed off about it, she knows that the most important thing to this particular man is his children, not her, not his mother, not his siblings but his kids; and sense she feels that she was "tricked" by him she is using the only thing that she has to torture and hurt him... his kids.
The real story is, that she met him when she was 11 and he was 14. She "fantasized" him in her mind and made him a "Greek God" so to speak. So she chased him and chased him, and he dangled the bait knowing that she would do anything to get him, sleep with him check buy him things, check be at his beck and call whenever he needed or wanted anything, check, wait for him while he is married to two other women before her, check; be a mother to the child that he had with yet another woman, check and last but not least go to Vegas to get married out of fear he may change his mind before they can get to a wedding, check. OK so now that you have heard just the general basics, who do you think is the damn fool? If you did not say her, you are a damn lie!!!!
She decided when she was 11 years old that this was the man of her dreams and she went about making sure that she got him that he was her man. Well she did, she got him lock stock and barrel. She let him "date her" but not really "date her" which means behind closed doors (for sex) she was his lady, but in public with his friends and family she was his "friend". His first marriage took place while he was still her "friend" and his second marriage took place while she was pregnant by there "friendship"; she miscarried that pregnancy while he was at home with his wife. When his second marriage ended he got another woman pregnant all the while they were still "friends". Now I am not by any means saying that what he did was OK, he was a DOG and as a man and husband; he should have been hung from a big oak tree by only his left testicle with a barb wire string. But at no time was she ever in the dark about any of this, his wives they were in the dark, his "public girlfriend" she was in the dark but she was never in the dark, she knew her status and she allowed this treatment. It's so funny to me when people say "he tricked her and took advantage of her love for him" yes he did take advantage but it was not of her love for him it was of her having a low self esteem and allowing him to walk all over her. I think that men come hard wired to do dirt; it his up to us to short circuit that wire or to take a wire clipper a "nip" it in the bud. But deal with him woman to man.
So after years, and years of being out and out used it was plain as day this is what he is doing. After he has had two failed marriages, a child with another woman, has no job and lives with his mother, he finally purposes to her one day in a park. She who has a brand new car, a two bedroom apartment and a full time well paying job.
By the next day she had paid for there tickets to Vegas and they had gone to Vegas and gotten married. She finally got him; after all those years and all that scheming she finally had him he was her formerly married, unemployed, homeless, husband and what she was thinking was YEAH ME! I'm sorry but does anybody else think that there is something wrong with this picture?
So after years of living as his wife, the fantasy bubble was burst, he was no longer her night and shining armor he was, a motherF$*)@&, who could not keep a job, with a family that always needed something from them, a mother-in-law that had no respect for her, and a baby momma that was exactly what we were talking about here today. They had almost been homeless, had no car, and because by the time they got married he had horrible credit, there lives were in her name and her credit was being destroyed because he could not keep a well paying job, they had 5 kids to feed and he wanted her to be a stay at home mom with an unemployed husband. Now how many of you thought this was going to end well? If one person raised there hand I wish I was there to slap you!
With all that, with all that he has done to her and with her, because like I said it takes two, she feels that she is the victim and it is time for some payback and the only way to get that is through there kids. Well first of all, what about there kids; I'm sorry but our children are floundering ladies and gentlemen, they are floundering because they do not know what it is like to have a family a full family. I think we all need to know who we are, we need to know, who we came from. I am not saying that women can not succeed in raising a child by themselves, because we see from allot of successful people that it can happen, but it is the exception not the rule. Do our children deserve the best that we can give them? Do they deserve to have all the opportunities in the world to be great people? Yes they do. The fantasy was turned into the nightmare from hell, I understand that hurt, that pain that humiliation. Using your kids because you know he does not care one way or the other what you feel, is not right! She knew deep in herself; in her soul and heart that this man was not the man of her dreams, God threw road block after road block in her way and she got out the pick axe and climbed over them to get her man. Once again I say BAD BAD husband, I think if there was a hall of fame for that he should be in it; you know the one that should have a Tiger Woods statue in the front..... Ohhh I know The Tiger Woods Bullsh*# Husband Museum! LOL I like that.
Ladies what I am saying is it's not our place to use or children to punish someone for our mistakes. My granny used to always say; "Baby, God can punish him much worse than you can!" Married, never married it all in the same category as Baby Momma Drama! It needs to stop!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
My Story
I am the child of a fatherless home. I lived with a woman that got pregnant at 17 and gave birth before she had graduated from high school. I was the much loved granddaughter, and the over protected daughter of a very large family.
Now that you have a lead in, here it goes. I met my "babydaddy" the first day of high school in home room. I had never had a boyfriend, never kissed a boy, never been on a date. I don't think that I even had that "feeling" about boys yet. You know that tingle you get in your "craw" when you see someone you are attracted to. So long story short after 4 years of swooning for him, and watching him date (complete trash in my opinion) all the other girls in school; and really have no interest in me what so ever, other than as a friend....maybe. Thinking that I would never feel this way again, you know all the drama that a 16 year old feels.
We graduated from high school and through our mom's came together and became a couple after all that time. I was on cloud nine, I "loved" him and he "loved" me. OK,stop right there, he loved me? PLEASE. I was a willing female that loved him he knew I loved him and what 17 year old boy in his right mind would turn that down. That was the first mistake that I made is making the assumption that he was in love because I was. We walk ourselves into pain sometimes ladies, would we want to be with a man that was just like I really just want to hit that? Or I am single right now with nothing to do so I will take your devotion,and heart and body....sure why not you are offering it? It would be some horny ass men walking around, or prostitutes that were billionaires.
No we would not have that so they, say what they have to and do what they have to and get into our minds, hearts and pants. We already know that; this is not new.
So I was in this relationship for 2 years with someone that I "loved" or at least I thought I "loved" him. First of all do we really know love at such an early age? This was my first boyfriend my first sexual arousal, I did not know what a relationship was, let alone "love". But I was convinced. Isn't that how it always is? We are so wrapped up in the "love" that we choose to ignore what is right in front of our face. How could I have been that "in love" I never really trusted him because of the way that I had been treated by him in high school. The things that I had heard him say about me and my appearance, I always felt like the relationship was questionable. I was on pins and needles trying so hard to be what he wanted and never really giving him a chance to know and love me because I knew that the me that I am was not who he liked or wanted. So I went on being "in love" Two years into the relationship we were fighting everyday, he was cheating on me with someone that worked for me. He avoided being with me as much as possible and when he was around me everything that I said was wrong. As first I was welcome and loved in his family, but at this point his mother dislikes me, his brother is disrespecting me, and his sister is lying on me to try to keep us fighting. But I am still holding on trying not to let go, even though I knew that this was not going to work, I knew that I was tired of trying to be someone else and I wanted to be me but I kept pushing to stay together. Then I was pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion. I look back on that now, I think of how shocked I was that he could say that to me or do that to me and I wonder why? Why was I shocked? Look at our relationship, look at all that I have said. I realize I was not shocked, I was not even mad at him, I was made at me! Because I knew, I knew he did not love me, but I thought I can make him love me, I knew in my heart that he was cheating on me and who he was doing it with, but I told myself I can not leave until I have proof. I knew that his family knew he had a new girlfriend, and was already treating me like I was the ex. I knew.... so even though he hurt me, he broke my heart and used me,and made me feel like trash; he did nothing to me that I did not let him do to me. I did not love me enough to say I deserve better, and I want to be treated better.
With all that all that you read about him and I as a couple; does that make either one of us bad parents? Or does it just make us bad at relationships? Yet the relationship with us as women is what we usually base our decision on, what kind of parent the fathers of our children will be. Is that fair? I don't think it is, because if relationship decisions were what determines if we are going to be good parents I KNOW my son would not have come home with me when he was born. I know now as a mother and as a wife that I did love him, I did. I also know that I did not know really what that meant at the time. Yes he wronged me in so many ways, but it takes two.
Now that you have a lead in, here it goes. I met my "babydaddy" the first day of high school in home room. I had never had a boyfriend, never kissed a boy, never been on a date. I don't think that I even had that "feeling" about boys yet. You know that tingle you get in your "craw" when you see someone you are attracted to. So long story short after 4 years of swooning for him, and watching him date (complete trash in my opinion) all the other girls in school; and really have no interest in me what so ever, other than as a friend....maybe. Thinking that I would never feel this way again, you know all the drama that a 16 year old feels.
We graduated from high school and through our mom's came together and became a couple after all that time. I was on cloud nine, I "loved" him and he "loved" me. OK,stop right there, he loved me? PLEASE. I was a willing female that loved him he knew I loved him and what 17 year old boy in his right mind would turn that down. That was the first mistake that I made is making the assumption that he was in love because I was. We walk ourselves into pain sometimes ladies, would we want to be with a man that was just like I really just want to hit that? Or I am single right now with nothing to do so I will take your devotion,and heart and body....sure why not you are offering it? It would be some horny ass men walking around, or prostitutes that were billionaires.
No we would not have that so they, say what they have to and do what they have to and get into our minds, hearts and pants. We already know that; this is not new.
So I was in this relationship for 2 years with someone that I "loved" or at least I thought I "loved" him. First of all do we really know love at such an early age? This was my first boyfriend my first sexual arousal, I did not know what a relationship was, let alone "love". But I was convinced. Isn't that how it always is? We are so wrapped up in the "love" that we choose to ignore what is right in front of our face. How could I have been that "in love" I never really trusted him because of the way that I had been treated by him in high school. The things that I had heard him say about me and my appearance, I always felt like the relationship was questionable. I was on pins and needles trying so hard to be what he wanted and never really giving him a chance to know and love me because I knew that the me that I am was not who he liked or wanted. So I went on being "in love" Two years into the relationship we were fighting everyday, he was cheating on me with someone that worked for me. He avoided being with me as much as possible and when he was around me everything that I said was wrong. As first I was welcome and loved in his family, but at this point his mother dislikes me, his brother is disrespecting me, and his sister is lying on me to try to keep us fighting. But I am still holding on trying not to let go, even though I knew that this was not going to work, I knew that I was tired of trying to be someone else and I wanted to be me but I kept pushing to stay together. Then I was pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion. I look back on that now, I think of how shocked I was that he could say that to me or do that to me and I wonder why? Why was I shocked? Look at our relationship, look at all that I have said. I realize I was not shocked, I was not even mad at him, I was made at me! Because I knew, I knew he did not love me, but I thought I can make him love me, I knew in my heart that he was cheating on me and who he was doing it with, but I told myself I can not leave until I have proof. I knew that his family knew he had a new girlfriend, and was already treating me like I was the ex. I knew.... so even though he hurt me, he broke my heart and used me,and made me feel like trash; he did nothing to me that I did not let him do to me. I did not love me enough to say I deserve better, and I want to be treated better.
With all that all that you read about him and I as a couple; does that make either one of us bad parents? Or does it just make us bad at relationships? Yet the relationship with us as women is what we usually base our decision on, what kind of parent the fathers of our children will be. Is that fair? I don't think it is, because if relationship decisions were what determines if we are going to be good parents I KNOW my son would not have come home with me when he was born. I know now as a mother and as a wife that I did love him, I did. I also know that I did not know really what that meant at the time. Yes he wronged me in so many ways, but it takes two.
Friday, December 11, 2009
How Did You Get Here?
So you had a baby. One, two,three,five whatever the case may be; and he has jumped ship. You are thinking how did I get here? I know that I was, I was trying to understand what had happened here? I remember thinking "I love him so much I am having his son, how can he not love me?"
Well first things first, love does NOT by any stretch of the imagination mean that you are meant to spend the rest of your life together. It means just that, that you love that person; for example my relationship with one of my best friends; I love him to death I will bust some a%&* about him; but I would NOT be married to him for all the "love" in the world. He is a wonderful friend as a husband... not so much! To me in my opinion; but for his wife he is the one he is it. So I "love" him that does not constitute happily ever after.
Next my biggest pet peeve with myself and some friends and family that I know that are single moms.... just because you love him does not mean he loves you!! Giving love does not always mean you are going to get it back! That does not make him a low down dirty piece of S#@*&, it makes you be in love and him not. See ladies we can not determine how good of a father this man will be based on weather he loved us or not, or base it on weather he conned us out of the panties! Now before my lades start having a fit, I know that all men are not responsible, for example I know a piece of crap that has eight kids and cares for none of them.... NOT ONE!! Six diffrent mothers and eight kids. Guess what he is a bad man and a bad father, but what about you? Do you mean to tell me that mom number 4 or even 5 in this situation didn't think well damn I know he has kids; but he doesn't work so he is not paying child support and he never says "I'm going to take my kids to the corner" so I should not assume that if I have unprotected sex with him and make a baby that I am going to be the one he keeps. My child will be special! PLEASE!!!
See ladies what I learned in my situation is yes men lie sometimes, yes they betray us and take advantage when they know we are in love and they are not. BUT, we are so busy being "in love" that we refuse to admit that I may have walked into this situation with my eyes wide open; I knew he didn't really love me like I loved him, I know that if he has other kids, our situation is not going to be any different than the others. See I firmly belive in what my grandmother told me, see granny said "Women are to quick to turn they a&* up to someone they "love", then when he looks and walks away you want to be mad! CLOSE YOUR DAMN LEGS!!" Granny was very blunt! LOL
So the first step to correcting this situation I think; is to really stop think back you do it all the time anyway, were there clues before you got pregnant? Did he show you something that you chose to ignore? If so is this really just his fault? See now that you have had a child with this person for now and forever more this person his in your life and your childs life. Do you really have the right to take your child other parent from him just becaue you are beoken hearted; your heart will heal but the pain from being fatherless will be with your child.
Again I know that there are some men that are just trifling and no matter what you do he ain't gone act right. I am not talking about him. I am talking about the MAN that is in a situation where two people that have created a child and decided they can not be together ends up not being in his childs life and missing out on being a father because he was not in love with his childs mom. Does this mean that my child, my son your daughter does not deserve the chance to know his father? Or his family that comes with him. We have to stop acting like having a father, is really not necessary for our chilren. Our kids need a sense of family they need to know unconditional love, they need to know that there are people that love him/her even if mom and dad can not be together.
Well first things first, love does NOT by any stretch of the imagination mean that you are meant to spend the rest of your life together. It means just that, that you love that person; for example my relationship with one of my best friends; I love him to death I will bust some a%&* about him; but I would NOT be married to him for all the "love" in the world. He is a wonderful friend as a husband... not so much! To me in my opinion; but for his wife he is the one he is it. So I "love" him that does not constitute happily ever after.
Next my biggest pet peeve with myself and some friends and family that I know that are single moms.... just because you love him does not mean he loves you!! Giving love does not always mean you are going to get it back! That does not make him a low down dirty piece of S#@*&, it makes you be in love and him not. See ladies we can not determine how good of a father this man will be based on weather he loved us or not, or base it on weather he conned us out of the panties! Now before my lades start having a fit, I know that all men are not responsible, for example I know a piece of crap that has eight kids and cares for none of them.... NOT ONE!! Six diffrent mothers and eight kids. Guess what he is a bad man and a bad father, but what about you? Do you mean to tell me that mom number 4 or even 5 in this situation didn't think well damn I know he has kids; but he doesn't work so he is not paying child support and he never says "I'm going to take my kids to the corner" so I should not assume that if I have unprotected sex with him and make a baby that I am going to be the one he keeps. My child will be special! PLEASE!!!
See ladies what I learned in my situation is yes men lie sometimes, yes they betray us and take advantage when they know we are in love and they are not. BUT, we are so busy being "in love" that we refuse to admit that I may have walked into this situation with my eyes wide open; I knew he didn't really love me like I loved him, I know that if he has other kids, our situation is not going to be any different than the others. See I firmly belive in what my grandmother told me, see granny said "Women are to quick to turn they a&* up to someone they "love", then when he looks and walks away you want to be mad! CLOSE YOUR DAMN LEGS!!" Granny was very blunt! LOL
So the first step to correcting this situation I think; is to really stop think back you do it all the time anyway, were there clues before you got pregnant? Did he show you something that you chose to ignore? If so is this really just his fault? See now that you have had a child with this person for now and forever more this person his in your life and your childs life. Do you really have the right to take your child other parent from him just becaue you are beoken hearted; your heart will heal but the pain from being fatherless will be with your child.
Again I know that there are some men that are just trifling and no matter what you do he ain't gone act right. I am not talking about him. I am talking about the MAN that is in a situation where two people that have created a child and decided they can not be together ends up not being in his childs life and missing out on being a father because he was not in love with his childs mom. Does this mean that my child, my son your daughter does not deserve the chance to know his father? Or his family that comes with him. We have to stop acting like having a father, is really not necessary for our chilren. Our kids need a sense of family they need to know unconditional love, they need to know that there are people that love him/her even if mom and dad can not be together.
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